I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
there is glitter all over my balls
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
