I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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