I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
