we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
