Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
