You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
MIDGETS
????
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
