I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
