Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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