so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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