these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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