you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
