the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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