when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
