why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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