how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
