Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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