look no pants
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
