She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
