It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
organizing the empties. That sober.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
