and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
