I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Come on in and take your pants off
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