was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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