So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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