I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just pee around me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
