One girl and one boy is just not enough.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
