i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
