Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
