oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
