How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
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Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize