mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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