Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
