Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Your cock deserves a montage
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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