My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
