Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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