I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
