I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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