hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All the doctor said was why
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
