It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
