so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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