New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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