dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
