You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
