tell your sister to shave her snatch
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
