I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
