She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
