she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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