the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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