I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
