I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
