where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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