3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just gift wrapped bread.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
