420 ftw
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hippo gnu deer
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
