He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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