Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
