I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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