fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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