As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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