i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
