so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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