I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
