i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
